nyco oritentation post turned emo rant (Saturday, March 14, 2009 / 4:45 AM)
NYCO camp cum training thingy today!
as expected,alot of people ponned,some people claimed to be sick (yeah right) but overall attendance was more or less okay.
emo rant.
ill digress a little.usually, i will feel like ponning these orientation things or even cca trainings-but then that was back in secondary school,where i really felt that i didnt belong in the cca.actually, it is not really the cca itself that attracts me to it- it is the people.back in my sec sch days,i really didnt like npcc.the people there were rather clique-ish and i just couldnt talk to them.also, i was fairly quiet so i couldnt really talk to my seniors.i still remember when one of my sirs pumped me for no fucking reason and when one of my squadmates mentioned on his blog how unlucky he was to be sabo-ed as squad-ic with me.when some of the girls in the toilet mocked me then why did i fucking join this cca in the first place?to torture myself ,do drills and pushups on the hot gravel and learn how to tie useless knots (okay lah,they proved to be quite useful with time :X)?
it wasnt the physical pain that kept me from avoiding this cca,it was the mental barrier.it was also my fault of course; i was making things difficult for my squadmates when i ponned trainings.but then i made up for it a little when i forced myself to attend the ATC( Atrociously Torturous Camp) at pulau ubin( ok lah again,only the sec 2 and 3 ones were torturous,the sec 4 ones were pretty fun!flyyiiinnggg foxxx :DDD) so that we would have enough strength to warrant participation.when things were getting a little better in sec 3, i left to join debate,because that was what i really liked.at one point in time i was close to quitting npcc-the teacher convinced me to stay,saying that i would let down my squadmates because we had barely enough strength to qualify for a silver medal and that she would gurantee me at least a b3 in cca.i was thinking that when i added my debate points, it would scrape me an a2?but when i got my cca cert back, it was a b4.and im not that shameless to beg my teachers for the cca points i know i dont deserve.
some of my squadmates have attended the same school as i am and im glad to say that i am on relatively good terms with some of them.people change,all of us have faults. i could blame anyone and everyone for my sucky cca life (my mum for bringing me up to be such an ugly person and persuading me to join npcc because it was her cca during sec sch;ELDDS for kicking me out to NPCC;my squadmates for not including me in their gatherings) but then i would realize that the fault mostly lies with myself.for not gaining the awareness of my status in the people around me,acting stupidly,trying to avoid problems rather than to face them head on;too cowardly to find the courage to talk with people i am not comfortable with.
looks like this rant is long enough to qualify as a post? haha/
